Harvest

To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:

A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;

A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up;

A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;

A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together;

A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to rend, and a time to sew;

A time to keep silence, and a time to speak; a time to love, and a time of peace.

-Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

Of course I can't read that scripture without hearing The Byrds' "Turn, Turn, Turn." We must have had that record growing up. I also can't read it without thinking about sneaky gymnast Kevin Bacon convincing the adults he should be allowed to dance. I also live a mile from Lehi Roller Mills (the flour mill where Footloose was filmed) so I probably think about Kevin Bacon more than is normal.

I have had time for every season on this long road.

I have had time to mourn and heal the losses.

I have had time to laugh and speak with the keeps.

I have had time to break down and build up, to weep and embrace.

I have had time for infinite shots and blood draws.

I have had time for nervous energy and anxious sleep.

I have had time to kill my demons and cast them away like stones.

I have had time for prayer.

I have had time to sew and to cook. They keep me sane when I'm full of nervous energy.

I have had time to look back at the ten years and see what the Lord was teaching me, little by little. When I see the timeline it all makes sense. This gives me peace. I love Joni Mitchell's song "Both Sides Now." I get the lyrics. I've seen life from both sides now. I had to live both sides to gain perspective and empathy and thankfulness. I haven't missed out on anything afterall.

Yesterday I had time to be harvested. It's the cool IVF term for "egg retrieval surgery." It's as fun as it sounds. I think the week of Thanksgiving, with its hymns of praise and jam-packed cornucopias, was the perfect time to do it.

My heart is spilling over with gratitude for life in general.  At church yesterday we heard about the saints in the Democratic Republic of Congo. If I lived there I would have zero babies. It was a good reminder to be thankful for doctors and technology and jobs that can finance these endeavors.

My embryologist just called to inform me that all four eggs retrieved yesterday were mature and fertilized successfully. Which means I'm basically an egg-making prodigy. To quote his thick Asian accent, "This is what we call jackpot."

You know how the weathervane shifts as Mary Poppins arrives? I can feel that. The winds are changing. There just may be a turn in my road that leads to planting and birth. And if so, definite dancing.

*Picture of a cardigan sweater I still own, but do not wear. It was a pricey sweater when I got it in college and I used to wear it every Thanksgiving. I don't know why all of my sweaters from the 90s are so ginormous. Greg and his friend could both fit in this sweater. But I can't get rid of it because I love the apple tree on the back. It reminds me of my Grandpa Kerby and his apple orchard. Best fujis you'll ever eat.

FAVORITE COMMENT FROM MY SISTER SUZETTE: "Bacon goes with eggs! See, Kevin is EVERYWHERE!"