Litmus

I am uncomfortable around people I can't read.

Be hot or cold, but please don't be lukewarm.

Love me or hate me, but please don't be quiet around me because your mother taught you to be quiet if you can't say something nice.

Laugh with me or tear me apart, but please don't...*shudder*...be polite.

I believe in manners. I believe in "thank you" notes. This isn't about etiquette.

It's about barriers and walls that I can't get through or over. If you don't let me in then I am of no use while wearing my strong suit of compatibility. I can relate to you. I can find common ground with you. You don't have to feel alone, you facade of stone.

I only know how to be real. I can't fake it, I have no poker face and I'm not interested in masquerades. If I have a smooth exterior I'm calm. If I'm furrowed I'm thinking about something. If I'm furrowed with tiny lips I'm probably mad. If you call before 8 there is no way I can clear my throat enough times to successfully fake that I'm a morning person. If you cook shrimp I won't eat it. If you present dark chocolate I will take all of it.

I can accept people who are acidic and basic. I just don't know what to do with you perfect neutrals.