Knot

I can untangle anything.

I was good at it as a kid and I'm even better now. RE brought me her most delicate gold necklace chain that was wadded in a knot the size of an M&M. I used two straight pins, a sheet of typing paper, natural light and 25 minutes of patience to restore it to a single strand. Last week I was winding a ball from a loose skein of yarn and ran into a snag. I wasn't about to snip the yarn and continue. It was a matter of principle. Yarn was stretched all over the kitchen and suspended on cupboard pulls, but I found and removed the internal error and finished my yarn ball. See? I can untangle anything.

Monday I was pregnant. Today I am not. I cannot untangle this.

Ten years of hoping and wishing and trying and failing and then an unexpected miracle. Weeks of bliss. Days of cramping. Lots of bleeding. Still bleeding. Still hurting. Still blessed. Still loved. Still waiting for the wisdom of hindsight. Still seeking silver linings. I know they are there.

Heavenly Father, please untangle this knot. This one is out of my skill set. This one requires your hands.

With thoughtless and impatient hands

We tangle up the plans

The Lord hath wrought.

And when we cry in pain He saith,

"Be quiet, man, while I untie the knot."

-quoted by President Boyd K. Packer, "Ensign", November 2009