PIXEL

If life is a large image then I have been focused on one pixel for a decade.

It isn't wrong to focus on a single pixel. It's a pixel that bridges two phases of my life. An important pixel. A keystone pixel, if you will.

Sometimes I wonder what the Big Picture of my life will look like. I know I get to view it eventually but for now...Pixel Land. The wonderful thing about having religion to lean on is faith. Faith assures me that I don't need to SEE the Big Picture because I can FEEL the Big Picture. I can FEEL that my image is spectacular and that my image is going to work out just fine even though I'm stuck SEEING one pixel right now.

Kim Matthews, upon being released as the ward Relief Society President, bore this testimony:

"Just because the Lord doesn't fix our problems right away or at all doesn't mean we aren't worth fixing. It means He sees the bigger picture."

Her words were like a salve to my heart's road rash.

The way I handle myself in this crucible of BABYWANTING will affect my picture. I hope I am making it prettier.

I have had this image on my fridge for the last several years. To me it defines faith. It also reminds me of Wes Sherman, one of my dad's good friends when I was younger and still living in Missouri. He loved the hymn "Lead, Kindly Light."

Lead, kindly Light, amid th'encircling gloom;

Lead thou me on!

The night is dark, and I am far from home;

Lead thou me on!

Keep thou my feet; I do not wish to see

The distant scene - one step enough for me.

I want to be as faithful as the person in the hymn. I want to be satisfied with only seeing one step at a time. I want to feel peace as I teeter over a chasm with no idea what to do next. I know where I came from, and I know what comes after this life, but as for the gap in the middle...we'll see. I tried to place several obvious pieces in front of me assuming they were suitable bridge material. No luck. They fell through. I am now placing pieces solely through faith. It is becoming easier than the other way.

*Look here, I didn't know I was going to blog many years ago when I ripped stuff out of magazines as I cleaned the giant piles of paperwork on my kitchen counter. If I knew who illustrated this, I'd give them credit. I am trying to find out. I have calls in to BYU Publishing & Graphics. I promise to give the guy credit as soon as I know.