Practical Pig

Let us remember that Practical Pig was the genius that built the house of bricks that saved the Pig family. He was sensible in his overalls and probably took a multivitamin and had money set aside in an IRA to save his clueless brothers in their retirement. Practicality is important. And so I present...drumroll, please...some practical tips that have made my life better.

• Put your salt in an old baking powder canister. You can level it off as you measure it. No more Morton spout dumping out twice as much as needed and making a granulated mess underfoot.
• If you get an eggshell in your eggs remove it with eggshell. Eggshell is like a magnet to itself.
• Keep a pen and paper on your nightstand. The best thoughts come when one is falling asleep, dreaming, or just waking up. Catch them.
• Get eight hours of sleep if you can. Sleep is the best medicine of all. If you do get sick, use a nasal rinse kit. It will fix everything in two days or less. I promise.
• Stretch every morning. Your day will be so much better.
• BEAUTY TIPS: Don't spend more than 30 minutes getting ready each morning. Life is too short. Moisturize your neck. There is no sense in taking care of your face if you are going to ignore your neck. Your neck will tell everyone how old you are someday and you will wish you had loved it a little. Wear sunscreen and don't forget the tops of your ears.
• BLUSH. Pick the right color. I wore the wrong color forever. I found a little chart in a magazine that helped clue me in. Here it is. People with gold or yellow undertones (people with olive skin/tan easily) wear orange and reddish pinks. People with pink or red undertones (people that blush readily) wear light pinks (to complement your natural coloring) or peach or mocha (to cut redness). People with plum or blue undertones (dark skin) wear vivid oranges or pinks. People with a natural healthy glow: good for you.
• Write the date on letters and notes that you write.
• Never plant more than one zucchini plant. Unless you are feeding Africa.
• Never store your tomatoes in the fridge. Ever. It makes them mushy.
• Never, ever, ever drink soda. It is the devil in a can. I can say this because I don't like soda. You'll notice that none of my practical tips say "don't eat sugar."
• Don't bring it into your house if it doesn't mean something to you. Useless clutter is just useless. Meaningful clutter makes a house your home.
• Say your morning prayers. A day hemmed in prayer seldom unravels.
• Freeze soft grapes and squishy peaches and black bananas for smoothies. Don't throw them away. Smoothies don't care. Black bananas make the best banana muffins, too.
• Hang your curtain rods halfway between the top of your window and the ceiling and your wall art at eye-level.
• "Swallow the Frog." Do the thing you hate first (exercise?) and get on with your day.
• Don't take yourself too seriously. None of this really matters in the end except for the morning prayers.

• One last tip, and this because I am an avid people-watcher and hung out in the airport restroom to see if my theory was true (and it is): VEER LEFT in public restrooms. People always go for the first open stall on the right. See my photo above? People generally choose the right when presented with two options. If you are a germophobe like me your odds are better on the left side of the restroom. I always go left and as far down as possible. The least convenient stall is usually the least used. Gross to discuss and more than you wanted to know? Sorry.