Namaste

My sister roped me into doing a 21-day yoga challenge in December. She thought it would help clear my head after all I'd been through. Bikram yoga: 26 poses in 90 minutes in a 105-degree room with 40% humidity. I learned quickly that 1) tight hamstrings are the root of all bodily evil, and 2) I'm no yogi. The liter of sweat, the time commitment, the expensive wicking clothes from Athleta and lululemon, the inner thigh strength needed for a proper triangle pose...I just wasn't game for it. Plus I had to stifle my own laughter at the end of class when the instructor said things like, "When you are one with you, and I am one with me, and together we are one, we can change the world with our integrity." Who are these people?

I completed the 21 days and, you guessed it, I joined the studio and gave them permission to hit my credit card every 1st of the month. Turns out I love yoga. I even love some of the stuff they say after class. My favorite instructor, Jamie, steps on the soles of my feet in between spine series if I'm lucky. She also sings at the end of class and I like to close my eyes and imagine I'm in the Himalayas with a bunch of yaks catching her song on the breeze. Jamie says good stuff. Last week during standing bow she said, "Don't ever judge yourself in a mirror."

Yoga rules state that you move as a class and focus only on yourself in the mirror. I try to not break the rule but it's so easy to make faces at my sister or stare at other people that are doing the pose better than I am. I also stare at others' quadriceps. I have a strong case of Quad Envy. I've always suspected my life would be easier if I had bigger quads and now yoga has proven my theory is truth. Just try doing balancing stick without them. You'll feel my pain.

Women compare more than men. What's worse is that we compare our weaknesses to others' strengths. I have tiny leg muscles, so I stare at big leg muscles. I have thin, straight Ramona Quimby hair that could be ponytailed by an orthodontic rubber band, so I naturally lust after thick ponytails. I am not athletic, so I want to marginally harm people with Garmin watches. Watch-wearing women with sculpted quads and thick, naturally curly hair? At the top of the list in my black book.

After yoga I was talking to my friend Jaime (not to be confused with Jamie the Instructor) about comparing and she told me the Roosevelt quote. Genius. We all do it. We all waste what we have by only noticing what we're missing.

Things I'm missing: a baby, a dining room, a pergola, the legs of a gymnast, half of my hair, most of the math I learned after 9th grade

Things I have: a quaint home, husband + kid, freedom of religion, half of my hair, a recipe box full of many hours' worth of effort, office supplies, collections of postcards and salt & pepper shakers, wisdom from living life beyond 9th grade

I need to focus only on myself in the mirror. I have joy. And I think I'm smart enough to know that a pergola won't change anything.

Funny thing, today at church 3 girls and 1 guy told me my hair looked awesome. Namaste.

*My yoga mat. Very Tangled, no? It doesn't remind me of a mobile my king and queen parents hung over my crib. It reminds me of a Ritz cracker. I'm always hungry at yoga.