Anchor

My life has been invaded by sailing.

First Greg painted me a rock. This has only happened once in our 16 years of marriage. He painted an oval rock blue and then painted a tiny sailboat on it and wrote ZINA on one sail and YOUNG on the other. On the back side he painted a plus sign to remind me to be of good cheer and to have a positive attitude while I'm sailing. [I included the story he read me with the rock at the end of this post.] Many times a week when I start to get catatonic from life's paralyzing pressures Greg tells me to SAIL AROUND THE ROCKS.

Then I saw this and put it on the fridge; the gallery for my important things.

Then my mom and dad let us kids take turns picking things that my grandparents left behind and there was a tin of vintage buttons. I told Suz she could have them all if I could just have the one anchor button. She also wanted the anchor button since her husband sails but luckily she wanted the whole tin more. Ever the perfect older sister she let me have it.

Then I saw this quote:

We can't direct the wind, but we can adjust the sails. For maximum happiness, peace, and contentment, may we choose a positive attitude. -Thomas S. Monson

Last but not least Dr. Bailey, who is stronger than Atlas and nicer than George Bailey, put me in my place last Monday. I have one remaining week of his 12-week back strengthening regime. He pulled me aside to prescribe one final exercise to my already lengthy list. The addition? To be more positive about my situation. He told me that from this point on I must never say that I'm too old for a baby, that my body is junk, or that I'm weak. He told me that my negativity might prevent me from getting what I want. Beyond my 90 minutes of pool work and stretches and PT I have to wake up and smile each morning and tell myself I'm stronger than I was yesterday. I have to kiss Greg every day and tell him he's going to be a great father again soon. I have to write notes to myself around the house reminding me that I'm going to make a great mother again soon. And I have to visualize our guest room as a nursery and start acting like this baby is coming soon. Even though I don't really know when soon is.

I have no problem with the imagine a nursery part since I'm refinishing a vanity for it. I also permanently daydream about the perfect color to coat the existing robin egg blue with. The bottom drawer of my nightstand is full of items for the baby: the music box from Paris, Wilson, the nail scissors my mom used on me, and a bar of Swedish egg white soap in a tiny cardboard box with tulips on it. RE wants me to start crocheting our baby a blankie out of grey yarn with cream velvet edging. Sounds good to me. Should I be humbled that last night my daughter read me a scripture about faith and reminded me that faith is to hope for things which are not seen that are true? Faith is also an anchor to the souls of men*. Faith is my anchor.

I know that opposition is a necessary part of life. Without it I wouldn't have the opportunity to use my faith to choose happiness...including happinesses that can't be seen. I know that I need jagged rocks on my horizon and that my skin needs to be wind-whipped by foam. Sadly, sometimes this sailor only remembers she has an anchor at her disposal when her battered boat is groaning and the tempest is scaring her to death.

My anchor can help me hunker down until the storm passes, and the storm always passes. My anchor can hold me steady while I gain composure for upcoming maritime mazes. My anchor likes to be hoisted on deck to join me for a salty ride and it stays safely on board while I happily adjust my sails in the sunshine.

It's oxymoronic, but somehow my anchor even helps me SAIL AROUND THE ROCKS.

[The Story Greg Gave Me]

After experiencing sickness, crop failure, and the death of her parents, pioneer Zina Young was encouraged with a spiritual experience that changed her attitude. While attempting to seek divine help, she heard her mother’s voice: “Zina, any sailor can steer on a smooth sea, when rocks appear, sail around them.” A prayer came quickly: “O Father in heaven, help me to be a good sailor, that my heart shall not break on the rocks of grief” (“Mother,” The Young Woman’s Journal, Jan. 1911, 45). It is often difficult to change circumstances, but a positive attitude can help lift discouragement. -quoted by Elder Val R. Christensen, "Overcoming Discouragement"

*Wherefore, whoso believeth in God might with surety hope for a better world, yea, even a place at the right hand of God, which hope cometh of faith, maketh an anchor to the souls of men, which would make them sure and steadfast, always abounding in good works, being led to glorify God. -Book of Mormon, Ether 12:4