Top Dresser Drawer

Once upon a time when I was engaged to be married I heard a retired estate lawyer speak uncommonly about top dresser drawers. In his lifelong employment he observed by the time someone died of old age their most important things were few in number and in the top dresser drawer. All those paychecks for what? The wedding ring, marriage certificate, will, patriarchal blessing, old photo, and bundle of letters remained priceless while a lifetime of possessions had slipped through the sieve of meaning.

I don't have a dresser but Greg and I do share a nightstand. Our top drawer has two sets of old-fashioned printed scriptures, a wind-up flashlight, a nearly-illegal Chinese laser pointer, three rogue cough drops, Nike receipts from Greg's annual birthday shoe investment, and the notes RE leaves on our bed. It's something.

My life's top dresser drawer? Chock full of nothing tangible.

Underneath it all is my wedding day complete with a braided calla lily wand. There are the two evenings my children were born, both of which Greg nearly missed by trying to snag supper while I effaced, and the two afternoons they were blessed in church surrounded by complete extended families. There's the hug I got from my dad after his 18-month mission and the recent Paradise Bakery lunch with my siblings where we bantered so fast we could hardly keep up with ourselves.

There's the day I asked Suz and Andy to forgive me while the airport shuttle van was running in the driveway. I see RE riding her bike towards the sunset with her hands open and reaching for the sky. It's dusty and old but I spy an Aerosmith song and a sunroof with Cristall (and an apple pie that appears to have been run over). I hear Matt's voice box car alarm. My mom's endless back scratches. The afternoon Mother Bear helped me decorate a birdcage and my father-in-law's unmistakable laugh.

There's Archer's smile every morning when I peek over his crib and RE's smile every day when I pick her up from school. I put these in the drawer day after day. Oh, my life is good.

Sifting through the piles I see myself jumping off a bridge into the ocean with Greg and RE and swimming in a Caribbean cave with David and Tracey. NYC, SFO, and Chi-town with the aunt who formed so many of my current sensibilities. Witnessing Rat's maiden voyage/close call on the canyon swing in Glenwood. Glitter toes in the basement with my six SILs. Cutting and gluing with Mary, Michelle, Jaime, and Jonna. A piece of leftover lasagna from a next door neighbor. Three bishops who were at the right place at the right time with wives to match.

I keep pulling a day from last November out of my drawer. Greg and I were in Manhattan for his birthday and had found out two weeks prior that our second IVF worked. I was only six weeks along and still injecting progesterone to make sure baby was in Club Med. With four hours of allotted free time before a business dinner we flew through the Met just long enough for Greg to see Seurat's A Sunday Afternoon on the Island of La Grande Jatte and for me to spot Van Gogh's beautiful blobs. Then we meandered for several hours through Central Park as the sun set and the city twinkles came out. We got waffles and cocoa and shuffled through crunchy leaves off the cement path. I leaned on his arm and can't remember being happier. Everything we wanted was coming to pass and all those years of question marks and unrest were practically behind us. Plus I had smooched him in front of the opal clock at Grand Central the night before. #bucketlist

I only save the best for my top dresser drawer. My drawer is getting full so there's simply no room to hold on to car crashes, embarrassments, failures, arguments, rashes, bad haircuts, regrets, mismanagement, lost money, or guilt. And no meanness! Nothing mean in the drawer!

What do I want for Christmas this year? More items for my top dresser drawer.

*The retired estate lawyer was Elder Marlin K. Jensen, on assignment in the Columbia, Missouri Stake. Hands down one of the best speakers on earth.

Photo of zebra wallpaper I saw in the Parade of Homes. After much searching, I believe it is the Peel and Stick Coral Zebra wallpaper by Scalamandré.