Big Bertha

Every time I'm about to catch up with my life one of two things happens to me:

1. I get a free Shutterfly book offer

2. Stuff needs to be canned

Both things happened in the last two days, so in between boiling tomatoes down and placing photos I'm trying to figure out dinners and whether or not showering is worth it.

I love homemade spaghetti sauce. I will never not ever eat Prego or Ragu if I have any say in the matter. My favorite part of making sauce is sticking labels on the jars. I name my batches to differentiate the flavor discrepancies. I know LABOR DAY is more balsamic-y, LAST BATCH is kind of garlic-y, and FIRST FRUITS is perfectly neutral. Today's batch shall be named BIG BERTHA because four huge romas the size of real grocery store tomatoes are included in it.

My homegrown romas tend to look like mini anemic pears. They are never ovals! Hence the newsflash/blog post. When I was harvesting this morning I found a rogue cluster of Big Berthas all the way under my zucchini plant. Now, I have eight tomato plants and I love them equally. Same water, same sun, same fertilizer. Why on earth would the tomatoes growing under my prickly, stay-away-from-here zucchini leaves be so full and voluptuous?

The answer is obvious. Tomatoes must need bodyguards.

Big Bertha, I will always love you. You are the queen of the night(shade). I wanna run to you (and stuff you through my saucing device). I'm every woman but I have nothing, nothing, nothing if I don't have you.

1992. Junior year. Stake dance. Last song. DJ picks "I Will Always Love You", the number one slow song request after "Everything I Do, I Do it For You." No one is asking me to dance. Come on, come on! I must dance to this song! I've worn this soundtrack out for months on my boom box down in my basement bedroom! I see my dad's silhouette walk through the gym doors. Odd, since my parents were never on time (let alone EARLY) to pick us up for anything. Dad strolls over and asks me to dance. Yes, I will dance with you! The best part is how he howled the big, long note along with Whitney. People were looking at us. I didn't care. I love my goofy dad.