Concrete

My neighbor Matt collects trailers. (#addict) Once he got going with his hobby the need arose for more parking. He ripped out his lush side yard and replaced it with a fresh slab of gray. Shortly after the landscape change his daughter said, “I’m already used to our new cement.” Matt wisely replied, “When something is right you don’t have to get used to it.”

This is how I felt the day after I learned I was pregnant. No, not with Archer. With a new baby. There is a new baby coming.

Seeing the two stripes was like being hit in the face with a 2x4. I have never been more surprised in my life. I was unsure my body would even keep the fetus since I needed imported crates of injectable drugs to make my insides a prime baby cave for Archer. Greg drove me to our IVF doctor’s office minutes after the stripes appeared to do bloodwork. Dr. A didn’t have anything to do with this baby but I trusted him and knew his lab was fast.

My progesterone was 25, normal is 26-40. My lining was 15mm, more than adequate and better than my previous IVF linings. Dr. A told me to not be so shocked…my body was simply doing what it was made to do on its own. High five, body! I was chauffeured home holding a vial of progesterone and a bag of needles just to be safe and I don’t remember the next 24 hours except I didn’t sleep a wink and ate steel cut oats instead of Kneaders deluxe French toast because I was already feeling the weight of “healthier choices for baby.” (Which dramatically ended a week later when I started throwing up and the only appealing food was Nesquik, of which I have drunk six gallons. Steel cut that.)

The second day Greg could sense I was a titch zombified; he gave up his standard Friday afternoon at Jordan River so I could go to Mt. Timpanogos for a few hours. In the temple three things happened.

1. Peace washed over me and I knew everything - from moving houses and starting over and hoping I find a new friend in my new life despite postpartum and needing a van and turning 40 before baby - was going to be okay.
2. I read 1 Nephi Chapter 17 in the lobby because I didn’t want to go home yet and *seriously* that chapter is like magic for me. Multiple life hiccups have been resolved by SEVENTEEN. I owe that chapter its own essay.
3. I thought of the Lund’s extra driveway because in two days I was already used to it. Used to her (I think it's a her but I'm happy for either). A free antidote to my secret mother worries appeared out of thin air. I have cried many tears anticipating RE leaving for college when Archer is only 5. I have imagined him all alone in our future basement wondering where RE went when her bed is still there and her stuff is still in the bathroom drawer. It’s one thing to grow up an only child like RE did; it’s all she knew. But Archer is RE’s satellite (or barnacle). My favorite moment of each day is watching his reflection in the rear view mirror when RE gets in the car after school. He simply lights up and then everyone's happiness cranks up a few notches. He will still miss her when she flies the coop for adulthood but there will be a little buddy for him now. I will have my mature, bright beacon of an RE and I will have my littles. We will continue to grow, live, evolve, overlap. We will embrace our odd demographic with joy. We are Lawson, Party of Five!

Photo of the sparkly sidewalks in San Francisco, not my neighbor's driveway. It's one thing to mock your neighbor's trailer hoarding but it's quite another to trespass and photograph his slab.