no. 1

Harboring resentment…doesn’t empower you. It can actively cause you harm, both physically and emotionally. Repeatedly recalling the slight (yes, it can definitely feel much larger than “slight”) is called ruminating. “Research shows that when people keep ruminating, it increases the base level of the stress hormone cortisol in their bloodstream. That in turn can shrink the brain and also impact the immune system, cardiovascular system, GI system—there are a lot of costs.”

In a study on young adults, higher levels of forgiveness were connected with fewer physical issues, like sleep problems, digestive trouble, and headaches, as well as fewer feelings of worthlessness, hopelessness, anxiety, and depression.

What you want is to move on and feel good about yourself and the world, while making sure the offense doesn’t happen again. The only way to get there is through forgiveness. “Resentment is a slow, happiness-stealing poison,” says Engright. “And forgiveness is like medicine.” Forgiveness is being good to those who are not good to you. Difficult, yes, but the payoff is worth it. “Think of yourself as someone who has the power to create the life you want to create,” says Carter. “Showing mercy to the people who wrong us is a little-known secret to happiness.”

“How to Bury a Grudge” by Melanie Mannarino, Real Simple, July 2019, p. 71.