Hurdle

The Olympics made me cry. A lot. Partly because I yearn for Duchess Kate's hair and wardrobe and partly from that still of Kerri Walsh's face when she realized she and Misty May won. But mostly I cried from the backstories that revealed how athletes killed their own personal leviathans (being shot in both legs, not having legs, the shanties of Jamaica, etc) with hard work and determination. I love the athletes that had a rocky road. The ones that rejected the hand life dealt them, about faced and leapt to the stratosphere of glory.

The Olympic athlete that resonated to the marrow of my brittle bones was Aries Merritt, who won gold in the Men's 110-Meter Hurdles. When interviewed he said the reason he won is because he made his weakness his strength, and that when your weakness is as strong as your strength you just can't lose.

I was puzzled and piqued with curiosity. What was his weakness? After a little digging I discovered his weakness was his first five hurdles. Aries had conquered the last five hurdles but had speed issues with the first five.

Elite hurdlers take seven steps from the starting line to the first hurdle. Aries was taking eight, which caused him to "put the brakes on" at times to jump the first hurdle. He decided earlier this year to convert to the seven-step start, which reversed his set-up and leading foot. One less step = one giant leap. He had to learn how to run hurdles all over again, and this after four years of opposition:

2008: Beijing Olympics, 4th place

2009: Twisted his ankle five minutes before the world championships, didn't advance past first round

2010: Season-ending painful stress fracture

2011: Hit a hurdle, tied for 5th at world championships

In his own words, "I was supposed to be this phenom. Then life happened."

Hitting the first hurdle with one less step increased Aries' speed and turned his weakness, the first five hurdles, into his strength. He changed what wasn't working and got a golden result. When I hear stories of people overcoming weaknesses I think of one of my favorite scriptures from the Book of Mormon:

"And if men will come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them."

I hurt most of the time. Physical pain. Everywhere. I, too, was supposed to be a phenom and then life happened. It took nearly ten years to decipher what is wrong with me. I am not exaggerating when I say that I went to the doctor/chiropractor/homeopath/reflexologist/physical therapist over 300 times in ten years. I made a valid effort to fix myself. Most docs just offered drugs, which I had zero interest in. Some said "lupus" and "fibromyalgia" and "rheumatoid arthritis" and "Celiac disease." It's a whole separate story how I finally got my diagnosis, but it is Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome, an inherited collagen disorder that affects every part of my body and has no treatment. My body breaks down the collagen it produces. Collagen is in bones, muscles, ligaments and skin. Collagen makes you tight and secure. Broken-down collagen is 35% of my body. No wonder I've felt like I'm 80 forever.

So my diagnosis was, "You're weak. Deal with it."

I don't believe in staying weak. Physically, mentally, or emotionally. I believe that scripture, that weaknesses can be made strong with God. I choose to believe it. I choose to see evidence of it almost everywhere I look, even during the Olympics.

Let me be clear: I don't want anyone to feel sorry for me. My pre-diagnosis life was a decent and respectable 4th place. But I want a gold medal. I've had the wrong approach. I need to reverse it, like Aries. I haven't been grateful enough, especially for my body. I haven't been forward-thinking. I had given up on improvement. I'm not certain I believed things could change.

There are still things to work on physically. Specifically, I do up to two hours of stretching, physical therapy and working out a day. I am focusing on every joint and muscle in my body, especially the tiny muscles under the famous muscles. It is painstaking and slow-going and sometimes I feel infantile and wussy. I am never going to look like Schwarzenegger. I will lucky if I ever get quadriceps. But I am trying as hard as I can because, of course, I want to be strong enough to bring another baby into this world and strong enough to hold its car seat without my shoulder falling out of its joint.

We all have our weaknesses, our hurdles to jump. Some are more visible than others. I have friends that have hurdled being widowed (while pregnant!), abandonment, abuse, depression, addiction, self-loathing, divorce, the death of a child, the loss of a job, the loss of a home and infertility. Every friend I am referring to was made stronger in their shadowy valley by their faith in God and his son Jesus Christ. I realize the world offers several therapies to those seeking easier jumps and smaller obstacles, but God is the only tried-and-true way for me. I sincerely believe the quote "Two can do anything if one of them is the Lord."

I will get stronger. Who cares about the last ten years? I have a new approach. Hurdles, beware.