Lost & Found

POST THREE OF THREE RE: CLOSURE TOWARDS THE FAILED IN VITRO

The lesson: IF YOU'RE LOST, REMAIN DILIGENT.

I think I've made it clear that I'm lost. Three months have passed and I still don't know what to do. Greg is ready to try IVF again but I'm not there yet. I'm kind of bitter that my doctor never even gave me a follow-up phone call. Greg told me that our doctor is just a data-driven scientist that doesn't realize what women go through and to give him the benefit of the doubt. I will eventually let it go, but for now I don't want to see him. I don't know if I can muscle through the work it would be to find another doctor. I have $1000 of Antagon and progesterone shots hiding in a Rubbermaid bin down in our crawl space. I can't sell them on ebay and I can't give them to any other girl doing IVF because HIPPA laws prevent me from knowing who else is doing IVF. I think about at that bin of drugs and calculate the things I could have bought with the money, such as Ecco walking shoes for Paris, an upholstered ottoman, new cookware, and an outrageously expensive wallpaper mural from Anthropologie that I want for our someday nursery. I'd also like to mention that I plucked my first gray hair this week. Like I said: Lostville.

Luckily, the Bible and the Book of Mormon are the perfect combo for little lost sheep such as myself.

And they were lost in the wilderness for the space of many days, yet they were diligent¹

Then shall ye call upon me, and ye shall go and pray unto me, and I will hearken unto you. And ye shall seek me and find me, when ye shall search for me with all your heart. And I will be found of you, saith the Lord²

I'm a committed, vested individual. I generally do things with all of my heart. Right now I'm lost with all of my heart. It's okay, because being lost is part of my new game plan. THE NEW PLAN: To remain diligent with all of my heart while I'm lost, knowing that eventually He will be found. I will stay the course until inspiration strikes. When I need it, I will get it.

It will all work out. It always does.

1- Book of Mormon, Mosiah 8:8 The people of Limhi went in search of Zarahemla but never found it, however they returned home after their wanderings with the plates of Ether, which contained the record of the Jaredite people. Not too shabby for being lost. I was unaware of many blessings that had fallen on me in the last three months, but once I came out of the dark and had a little hindsight it was easy to see them. Just remain diligent because diligence reaps reward.

2- KJV Bible, Jeremiah 29: 12-14  I love these Bible verses. They make me think of hide-and-seek. The Lord will never hide in such a good spot that I can't find Him. He may, however, be in a place that requires me to look hard with everything I've got. Maybe even with all of my heart. This is excellent because I don't mind looking.