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FORGIVENESS, Part II of III

In dealing with my need to forgive I bought and read the book Twice Blessed by Michael Wilcox. The title refers to a line from Shakespeare's The Merchant of Venice. I highlighted or underlined something on every page but one thing that clung to me and dug its nails in was the phrase

FORGIVENESS HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THE OTHER PERSON

Nothing to do with the other person? Say what? You mean I surrender my white flag to an enemy who doesn't believe he did anything wrong? To a foe who has no intentions of changing? To a human who treats me inhumanely? Isn't this backwards? Isn't the world's way YOU FORGIVE ME AND I'LL FORGIVE YOU? Or YOU CHANGE AND THEN I'LL BE HAPPY? Or YOU MEET ME HALF WAY AND WE'LL CALL IT A TRUCE?

The world is wrong. Babylon's backward logic will never propel me forward. Only Christ can move me forward. His way is the only way. "Turn your thinking around," said Gordon B. Hinckley.

Nothing to do with the other person? Maybe that's a blessing. I am already in charge of my own happiness, growth, and gain and that is work enough. Who has time to sort through another person's lifetime of baggage and circumstance? Not me. I barely have time to shower. In fact, my last 30-second shower resulted in three broken Christmas ornaments and an unrolled TP roll.

Neal A. Maxwell, a personal hero and man I'm thankful to have met via BYU Catering, said, "The meek go on fewer ego trips but they have far greater adventures." I think it's easier to have an adventure if you're not obsessed about being right. Greg always says IT'S NOT WHO'S RIGHT, IT'S WHAT'S RIGHT when we argue. He's right. (Drat!)

Sheri Dew told a frank and inspiring story about forgiving her father just before he died:

My father had many virtues. After his death, we heard story after story about his quiet generosity. And my father's word was gold. But my dad had an Achilles' heel: a temper he never conquered. We knew he loved us, but we often bore the brunt of his anger.

One afternoon a few days before he died, I was sitting at his bedside as he slept. Suddenly, I found myself asking the Lord to forgive him for years of angry outbursts. As I prayed something unexplainable happened to me. In an instant I felt decades of hurt simply fall away. The feeling was spiritual, but it was also tangible. I could remember his anger, but I couldn't feel any of the pain. It was gone. It was "beauty for ashes" (Isaiah 61:3).

It sure seems like forgiveness had nothing to do with her father in that story.

She later said, "No earthly remedy could have done for me what the Savior did in that moment...and it was His healing power that healed a lifetime of wounds."

I want to be healed. I scar easily, so I must forgive quickly. To quote Neal A. Maxwell (again), "The world's way is the equivalent of using Band-Aids for arthritis." Is that not the best visual for faux forgiveness? The world sells you cheap topical stickers for pain that aches in your marrow and sinews. And the world's Band-Aids are not even good ones! They are those non-sticky generic strips that peel off if you had 0.0478 ounces of lotion on your skin when you stuck them on. Oh, life is too short for worthless Band-Aids. (And non-sticky washi tape. That drives me crazy, but I'll forgive the cheap washi tape manufacturers because they're out of my control unless I become a lobbyist for lovers of decent office supplies. Which actually sounds like my dream job.)

Band-Aids blame anyone but yourself. Your mother, your childhood, your boss. Not you, though. You're good.

Band-Aids withdraw, exclude, and put those who have crossed you in their place. That place is usually not a nice place.

Band-Aids have veeerrrry tricky lingo and hypnotic phrases that lull your shoulder angel to sleep.

Band-Aids promise to validate all victims, but no matter how many times you redress old wounds you don't see improvement and you don't feel better. Band-Aids lie. They never deliver the healing claims on the side of their box.

The Savior, on the other hand, can heal that black part of your heart that is preventing you from acting like Him. He only tells the truth and always keeps his promises. Sometimes the truth hurts: seventy times seven, motes, debts, turned cheeks, held tongues. But the promises don't hurt: my way is easy, my burden is light, I will forgive you your trespasses.

There is nothing harder, or simpler, than forgiving.

Sheri Dew, "Sweet Above All That is Sweet", May 1, 2014, BYU Women's Conference address

Neal A. Maxwell, Even As I Am, 106.

Extra Michael Wilcox quote that rung my bell:

Ironic as it seems, pain can be very influential in the creation of love. We learn we are stronger than anything life can throw at us, for compassion, kindness, and mercy are stronger than transgression, anguish, and heartache.

God is trying to make us into beings like Himself, and He can take every experience and shape us with it if we allow Him, but He can't do this if we continue to feel sorry for ourselves or bitter or want to tell other people how much they injured us. So let us release the need to wound others because we are wounded. Let us let go of the need to let others know how much we suffer.

"If we can find forgiveness in our hearts for those who have caused us hurt and injury, we will rise to a higher level of self-esteem and well-being." -President James E. Faust, "The Healing Power of Forgiveness", Ensign, May 2007, 68.