Baggage

Dear RE,

Don’t think because I’m giving you this advice that I actually take it myself. Dad is always getting on me about this one. I am warning you because you are a people pleaser, like me.

Sometimes in life you will be stumbling along, feeling good about your actions and the human circle of trust you have created. You will feel happy and safe. And then you will discover that some in the circle are talking about you.

Seldom little in this life weighs me down more than being falsely accused of words I didn’t say or having my character and life choices inaccurately judged. It debilitates me further that there is endless time to be talked about secretly but no time to be confronted personally.

When this tragedy occurs I roll up like a roly-poly, affix my armor and plan on shutting the disingenuous crowd out for life. I nearly paralyze myself with victim sickness.

Sweet daughter, I have an unfortunate warning: as much as you will hate being gossiped about it will not stop you from gossiping about others. You must learn to tighten the reigns of your own voice.

This is where Dad comes in. Dad, in all of his wisdom, has told me from nearly Day One of our marriage that YOU CANNOT CONTROL WHAT OTHERS FEEL AND SAY ABOUT YOU. YOU CAN ONLY CONTROL WHAT YOU FEEL AND SAY ABOUT OTHERS.

This is a tough one. To master your heart as well as your tongue. To let others’ words literally roll off your back without altering the happy cadence you generally skip through life to. To appear soft and forgiving while your skin grows thicker still. To look at the reflection in the mirror and find satisfaction that you and God alone know the intents of your heart. To teach that heavy heart to let the weight of it all go. Just let it go.

You must not accept others’ baggage. And, more importantly, you must not create baggage for others.

All My Love,

Your Imperfect Mother

p.s. It might require more self-mastery than you think yourself capable of but it is possible. It is possible because we have been commanded to forgive even 70x7, which means forever, and the Lord does not ask us to do anything we aren't capable of. Don't forget that.

*Photo of my 78 lb. suitcase the day I flew home from Hawaii in 1996. I packed my hot rollers. For Hawaii. Where it's humid. Those hot rollers were definitely something I should have let go of.