Recipes

One night after dinner Greg casually mentioned that he needed a four-page newspaper ad by the morning. Instead of flipping my lid I said, “Okay, I’ll make your ad, but only if you stay up with me and make Cook's Illustrated Cinnamon Swirl Brioche.” He agreed. Six hours later, just as I was finishing the last ad, the bread came out of the oven at 3 a.m. Greg had fallen asleep next to me, but I couldn’t be mad at him since he tried to be my wingman. The bread was so good we deemed it worthy of a holiday tradition. We plan on making it for all future Christmas mornings.

Last Friday I attempted to knock off Giordano’s deep dish pizza. Greg and I went to Chicago for our 9th anniversary, caught a Cubs’ game, took a picture in front of the silver jellybean and ate at Giordano’s for lunch and dinner. You can actually mail-order a Giordano’s pizza for around $60. Cheapskate that I am, I recreated our beloved pizza in hopes that it would be the catalyst to Friday Awesomeness. The pizza was disgusting. It was so bad that just thinking about it makes my tummy hurt. It tasted like the secret ingredient was fermented cornmeal. I’m still baffled at its awfulness, especially since it was also from Cook's Illustrated. In fact, this was a second attempt. I tried it the day before but the dough didn't rise right and it got heaved in the garbage while I willfully vowed to not let this recipe get the better of me. It makes me mad when I spend three hours cooking trash.

Sometimes you just can’t win.

I have tried nearly 60 new recipes in the last two months. (Note: I saw someone with almost 2,000 pinned recipes on Pinterest. Person, you will never have time in your life to cook them all. One new recipe a day is effort enough. Stop pinning, start cooking.) Ironically, the first 20 recipes I tried were all KEEP. Sadly for my family the last 9 have all been CHUCK. I guess I was due for some nasty since everything started out so delicious. You know, the law of averages and whatnot.

Here’s documentation:

 

 

Trying new recipes is a lot like life. We make efforts to plan, purchase, execute and enjoy things that sound good. Sometimes you get cinnamon swirl brioche, sometimes you get fermented cornmeal. Sometimes you accidentally stumble upon green apple burgers! But we don’t quit cooking. We keep trying new recipes because we have hope for the future. We have hope that America’s Test Kitchen and Martha Stewart and Real Simple all have the answers for us. And when they don’t we make a mental note to NEVER DO THAT AGAIN.

For example:

LIFE RECIPE to CHUCK: Stay-at-home Friday Night Date with Greg

This recipe always fails because Greg a.k.a. Cardio King plays early morning basketball M, W and F at the crack of dawn. Friday he plays ball, eats, showers, commutes, works hard, goes to the temple at 4, commutes, eats the grab bag dinner I've made and then proceeds to sleep like a hibernating techno bear (a bear that sleeps curled up with his ipad). There is no point in trying to hang out with Greg at the house on Friday night.

LIFE RECIPE to KEEP: Friday Night Date with Greg Out On the Town

This recipe works wonders. If I physically move him to a public arena he stays awake. I know that if I want to see Greg once a week we have to actually go somewhere. If we double with another couple, the results are doubled. I get a fun, interactive Greg.

LIFE RECIPE to CHUCK: Happy Marriage from Sharing the Television

This recipe is terrible. I cannot be with Greg when he watches 3 hours of CNN, MSNBC and FOX NEWS. He cannot be with me when I watch any BBC Production longer than 30 minutes. This means we have to separate when we unwind. It’s okay. If Greta Van Susteren can live without me then Jonny Lee Miller can live without Greg.

LIFE RECIPE to KEEP: Communicate While Dog-Walking

A tasty one. We discuss things the best when we walk Lucy late at night. I could walk forever, Lucy can walk forever and Greg indulges me by walking forever. We can hash everything out and come home unified. Way more effective than me bringing things up as Greg is falling asleep in bed.

LIFE RECIPE to KEEP: Dad Helps Daughter With Math Homework

I follow this recipe with exactness. Always.

Just keep cooking. And don’t forget to kiss your fellow chef.

*Photo of our actual loaf of bread with its shiny egg wash crust. That loaf was so good that I wanted to hold it like a baby and rock it and sing to it.