Mirror Mirror

Twice a year, six months apart, I leave my dental exam in Provo and autopilot myself to the bareMinerals boutique at the University Mall. My perfect teeth are cheap to maintain, so I spend the equivalent of two fillings on mineral-based facial happiness/snake oils to even things out. Last Wednesday, after a cavity-free status update, I got some products guaranteed to shrink my pores and boost cellular turnover. The shopping bag they came in was the best gift of all. Printed on the bottom panel of the inside of the bag:

PRETTY IS NOT ENOUGH. PRETTY CAN TURN HEADS, BUT BEAUTY? BEAUTY CAN CHANGE THE WHOLE WORLD. PRETTY IS WHAT YOU ARE, BUT BEAUTY IS WHAT YOU DO WITH IT.

I love it. Pretty is not enough. Pretty is easy enough, though.

Here's my path to pretty:

• Step 1: Neutralize and conceal 80% of my face. Melasma, broken capillaries, discolorations, dark circles, veins on my eyelids, you name it. They're masked by miracle powders applied with expensive brushes.
• Step 2: Add a faux healthy glow and rosy cheeks. Despite adequate sleep, lengthy cardio and complete nutrition I can't seem to earn those characteristics on my own.
• Step 3: Photoshop. If my good looks are going to be catalogued in a digital vault there is always Photoshop. I have erased a major blemish off of my face in every family picture for the last decade. (My puberty is never-ending. Seriously, it will stop the day before I hit menopause.) I can adjust the levels, brightness and contrast to create thicker hair, brighter teeth and bagless eyes. If I adjust the levels enough I eventually look like Katie Holmes when she had an A-line and straight-across bangs. (I liked that look on her.) Levels are everything. No need for my posterity to know what I really looked like.

So that's pretty. Pretty makes me happy for a few moments. I feel good knowing I've maximized my physical shell.

BEAUTY is a whole other ball of wax.

I feel beautiful whether or not I have done my PRETTY routine.

I feel beautiful when I make an awesome dinner and when I don't murmur about Greg and RE turning everything they own inside out in the laundry hamper.

I feel beautiful when I shut my mouth. Don't say it. Don't say the mean thing. Move on.

I feel beautiful when I stop to really think about how awesome my friends are and what great qualities they have. I am so lucky to have beacons of light all around me, constantly brightening my way.

I feel beautiful when I take a quick detour to serve someone besides myself.

I feel beautiful when I remember to thank Greg for going to work every day so that I can stay home. While I stay home I cook and clean and watch the last six minutes of BBC's North and South over and over again. Best post-Victorian kiss in a train station ever.

I feel beautiful when I stop to notice that everything has worked for my good. There has been no tragedy in my life that is immutable. Life will continue to work out.

I feel beautiful when I look around my house and in my closet and decide that it's enough for now. I shall make the most of it.

I feel beautiful when Greg gives me compliments that have nothing to do with my looks.

I feel beautiful when I make good choices. When I'm not a hypocrit. When I'm thankful for all that the Lord has given me. And it all does come from the Lord.

Audrey Hepburn said it best:

For beautiful eyes, look for the good in others; for beautiful lips, speak only words of kindness; and for poise, walk with the knowledge that you are never alone.

Pretty is not enough.