Dot to Dot

 

Once upon a time I wanted wood floors in my kitchen. That time was shortly after our white vinyl floors started cracking and peeling and my new baby was crawling over the cracks and peels. Every day that I stood and cooked on ugly vinyl increased my lust toward hand-scraped walnut. Wood floors were all I could think about. I sold old baby clothes and used vacuums on eBay for two years until I had saved up enough money to buy them in full.

One fine day the planks were installed and I smiled in my sleep for two weeks. Oddly enough, after all that wanting and all that work I eventually forgot about my new wood floors and began drawing up plans for a built-in wall unit and desk in our living room. New focus. In the last five years I haven't hugged, kissed, or body surfed on my wood floors to show them how much I love them. Truthfully, I forgot I ever wanted them.

Same deal with wanting a baby. It was a 12-year saga of intense desire, all-encompassing emotion, investment, hard work, and grueling installation to get a baby into our house. Yet the instant I found out I was pregnant those years magically poofed into a mere minute. Eight more months have passed and my memory of the pain and yearning has waned to a foggy enigma.

Because once you get what you want you forget about the wanting.

Bearing that in mind I have had a distinct impression that I need to get cracking and record the truth of it all for my son, my Ponce de León, my boy that has led me to the fountain of youth and erased all the hardships that made me haggard. My little miracle needs to know what I went through to get him here as much as I need to preserve what I learned from this storm before the downpour evaporates and my heartache is all but vanished.

I love maps and often view events in my life as points on a map. Twelve years ago I planned on getting pregnant when my baby girl turned one so she and her sibling would be best buddies growing up. I was going to go from Point A (baby #1) to Point B (baby #2) with ease because, as they say, the fastest way to get from Point A to Point B is with a straight line.

What ended up happening is that I went from Point A to Point B via Points C, F, W, T, R and M. It was not a straight line. It was a dot to dot. A crazy, beautiful, intense dot to dot.

The dot to dot comparison was introduced to me at the five-year infertility mark as I was beginning to realize that a baby might be more of a challenge than ever anticipated. I will never forget sitting on the floor of our shower sobbing while Greg was a few feet away in front of the vanity getting ready for work. I cried and cried and he kept asking what was wrong. I told him I was so discouraged that every new idea and plan we tried wasn't working and it seemed like we were being misdirected. He quickly told me to remember the pioneers and how the Lord moved them from one place to another several times before they finally reached Zion. He also emphasized that good things happened to the pioneers at all the stops and not just in Utah.

This seemed wise but I wanted it in writing. I asked Frenchie's husband, Matt the Megahistorian, to make me a list of the pioneers' chronological dot to dots along with something good that happened in each locale. This is what he gave me:

• Palmyra, NY: The Book of Mormon- the plates were there
• Harmony, PA: Emma. She was a very good thing. Also, the priesthood is restored
• Kirtland, OH: House of the Lord, sealing keys restored, there is no Nauvoo without Kirtland
• Far West, MO: law of tithing, Joseph Smith learns who his friends are and who he can trust
• Nauvoo, IL: founding of the Relief Society, temple and temple ordinances
• Winter Quarters, NE: Brigham Young sustained as the prophet following Joseph Smith's martyrdom, construction of cabins and planting of crops that became essential for thousands of European immigrants over the next several years
• Zion (Salt Lake City, UT): the refuge in the wilderness where the Church could grow

Keep in mind that all along the standard was to get to Zion, Far Away in the West, but the Lord had planned multiple stops along the way to bring about His purposes. The Lord had just as many stops for me between my Point A and Point B and good things happened at all of them. It is with hindsight that I name my stops as follows: No-Hands Trading Post, Fossil Peak, Dead End, Wild Beast Slaughterhouse, Rock Pit, and Mouse Station. (They are detailed in separate posts following this entry.)

Each of these life lessons have been thankfully gathered, polished, and stored in my quiver should I need to shoot a new oncoming trial in self-defense.

Photo quote by Steve Jobs. Full quote: "You can't connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect your future."

My pins mark all places I've shipped eBay sales to. I want to get all 50 states. I have eight left. I fear the Dakotas are going to hold me back from realizing my cyber potential.